Question: Dear Luise: My husband and I have been married for almost 43 years. He has always been a great dad to both our son and daughter. Our son is 42 and an alcoholic. He calls me and he is very abusive and threatens me. His dad is a long distance truck driver. My son’s getting worse with each call. He has never had a job for long and drinks every day. He was in a trouble with the law a lot all through his teens. He has beat up his lady friends and now, the threat is to beat me up .I don’t think he will ever stop drinking, and he now has hepatitis C. The doctor told him is he has liver problems. I have had enough of his abuse. His sister as well can’t take any more. He is very jealous of her and her husband. They have two girls, 15 and almost 18 years old. They own my house and theirs and they are building a beautiful new house in the country. He calls us at all hours and the names and things he says are terrible; also the threats. We both just put call screening on our phones to stop the calls. We have all come to the point that we don’t want to see or hear from him. I was out all day the other day and when I came home there was 14 calls on my answering machine. Each one got worse. I can’t take any more of this and I really don’t want to see or hear from him anymore. What do you suggest we do? We can’t talk to him. He is always drunk or on some kind of drug, I am not sure. Do you have any suggestions? My husband called him the other day and he told my husband that everything he has ever done is my husband’s fault. He stole our vehicles. Beat up women. I could almost write a book and believe me it was not anyone’s fault but his own. Now he tells his dad that because he was a truck driver and it was his entire fault. At 42 do you think he will ever change? We were always good parents and tried everything we could to change his ways and nothing worked. Most of our son’s life he has polished trucks under the table for a bit of money here and there. We have helped him so many times and each time he messed up, I am tired of it, no more will we help him. Please let me know what you think. Thanks J.
Answer: Dear J.: Your son could change but I think it’s a remote possibility. We raise our kids to the best of our ability and then it’s up to them. His choices are his; the blaming is a denial of responsibility for the life he has created for himself. There is no reason that either you or your husband should have to suffer his abuse and live in fear of him.
See a lawyer regarding what steps you can take legally. There are ways to close doors, like restraining orders for instance, but I am not well informed on the subject. You deserve some peace and you need protection. Blessings, Luise