Question: Dear Luise: I am 24 years-old and he is 25 years-old. We are family friends. His mother and mine are childhood friends. Later, when our mothers got married, they were not in contact with each other. We both started talking on Internet, than on the phone. We both liked each other’s company. He lived in Bahrain and I lived in Pakistan. Then he came to Pakistan to complete his studies here and he told that he loved me and I replied the same. We started spending time together as he was at my university. After, a year he started telling me that we both are so different in every way. Our likes n dislikes are different, etc. We still hung out with each other. We had a intimate relationship, a little bit of physical, too. Later he told me that his mother wouldn’t agree for our marriage. I asked him did he talk to her and he said yes but later he said he didn’t. I asked why he lied and he said he knew his parents wouldn’t accept me. He doesn’t want me to get upset and have any hopes. I asked why and he said he doesn’t know. Later he seemed to be changing and than we started having fights on small things. Sometimes it was because of me. I was too possessive toward him. One day, based on that, he asked me to forget him and said our relationship has no future. We broke up for ten months. During this time I tried to contact him but he ignored me. After ten months, he came back and said he won’t make any commitment but he loves me and will be in contact until he goes back to his country. I didn’t want to loose him so I agreed. We stayed together for 4 months and then he went back to Bahrain. During this time, we had fights as I always felt he had changed. Previously, when we fought he used to pamper me but now when he gets frustrated and angry. After he got back to Bahrain, he ignored me, no phone calls, no mail, but he wished me happy birthday. He didn’t say he missed me or loved me like he used to do. Then one day I heard that he has had an affair in Pakistan at our university. We study in different departments. I asked him about it but he said its nothing, I found the girl’s pictures in his laptop but he said it’s nothing and gave stupid answers to satisfy me. Now, I have read their mail. They are having an affair. He promised that girl that he would talk to his mom about her soon. When I recently asked him if he loved me, he said he is confused and doesn’t have the feelings for me that he once had. Now, he doesn’t want to talk to me because he doesn’t feel like we have a future together. I asked if I could make his mom agree. He got angry and asked me to forget him but he still denied that he is in love with the other girl. He doesn’t know that I know all of this. When he first broke up and came back, he said he did all that to make me hate him but he did succeed so he came back to me. Do you think he loved me? Does he still love me? Or he is just having affair fake to make me hate him? What should I do? I really still love him and miss him a lot. Please reply. What should I do now? Is he doing all of this on purpose? When we met last he had tears in his eyes. Though I never saw him crying. R.
Answer: Dear R.: It’s over. It’s been over for a long time. Move on. You deserve a lot better. Find someone who respects you and grow up. Being possessive, reading people’s private correspondence…all of that is not love; it’s being an insecure child. You weren’t ready for anything serious and neither was he. Let it go and get on with your life. I’d be willing to bet that good things lie ahead for you. Blessings, Luise