Question: Dear Luise: I have read some of the letters about families and especially loving Moms being destroyed by DILs. I am in the same situation with my family. However, in my case not only are my husband and I banned from our newly born grandson but our daughter has also joined the kick-mom-team where my DIL is the captain. I have nowhere to turn and I can’t believe this is happening to us. I spent my life devoted to the love and care of my family and now I am being treated as if I were a criminal, drug addict or convict of some kind. My husband and I bend over backward for our children a boy and a girl) all their lives and even now under such tremendous pain inflicted by our own family, we have not fought back because we know that’s exactly what the DIL wants. I am sick with grief and my husband and I are huddled together although it is clear that they appeal to their dad and seem to just want me gone. Please help me; I have nowhere to turn. I want to join your forum mentioned on this website but I can’t seem to get past the advertisement. Can you help me with this? Thank you so much. B.
Answer: Dear B.: I think we all have expectations about how our extended families are going to look, once our children are grown and started families of their own. I know I did. The truth is there’s no way to know how it’s all going to turn out. It also doesn’t seem to matter how well we did our parenting. I don’t have a clue why that is so. What is happening to you, to me and to so many others is beyond reason.
For some, their extended families turned out beautifully and I can’t see from what they write that they did things any differently than the rest of us. It’s like a lottery or something.
My Web-forum at www.motherinlawsunite.com is a place where we can share our experiences and learn from each other. It can be very supportive and sometimes we can turn a corner with the help of others that we couldn’t turn alone. They can’t fix it (and often it just isn’t fixable)…but we have lives to live and marriages to preserve. When it turns out badly, we just have to go on. What else can we do?
There are no advertisements on my forum like there are on this website, so please try again.
I’m sorry I can’t be more encouraging but once our adult children choose mates, wisely or unwisely, it just unfolds however it does. They can be pretty unpredictable and we have very little to say about it. Blessings, Luise