Question: Dear Luise: My daughter ran off with my grandson since June 2009. She changed her phone number and I can’t reach her. My grandson has been with me since he was born. My daughter fell in love with this guy and he turned her head upside down. He came to visit for one weekend and he never left. I didn’t get along with the new boyfriend. He continued to threaten me in the house. I had to get a restraining order against him. My daughter got upset because with the restraining he couldn’t come to our house any more. They left together. I haven’t heard from my grandson since June. I don’t know what school he is going to. I am in so much pain, grief, hurt and sorrow. What can I do? I am a heartbroken grandmother. My grandson’s father is dead, I have been a strong supporter of my daughter and my grandson since the death of his father. What can I do? It has been so long. L.
Answer: Dear L.: Your situation can’t help but be tearing you apart. You know your little grandson is asking for you and doesn’t understand.
Your daughter would probably describe her leaving in different terms. Instead of “ran off”, she may be saying that she “moved.” She’s of age and has the right to hook up with whomever she chooses. She undoubtedly wanted her own home and her independence…and may have seen living with you as a temporary, stopgap measure and this guy as a way to get what she wanted.
You saw through the guy. She didn’t. Lets hope he isn’t showing her his other side now. I’m sure that’s your worst fear and I don’t blame you. I can’t help but wonder if he has seen through her, yet. When people make such quick attachments and decisions it can sometimes get pretty dicey.
What you need to face sooner or later is the fact that you brought this to a head yourself by getting a restraining order. It may have been 100% necessary but you made her choose between you and the guy. When hormones are involved, (and/or perhaps money), it’s usually a no-brainer, literally.
She may be having no further contact with you because the restraining order is still in place. Or she may have found what you did unforgivable. Whatever is going on, the ball is in her court.
What you can do is see an attorney to find out what grandparent rights are available to you. I understand that they vary widely. I know if you had it all to do over again, you would probably do the same thing. Moms are like that. Blessings, Luise