Question: Dear Luise: I am 69 years old and the mother of 4 grown children. I lived 18 yrs of hell with an alcoholic husband and the father of my youngest son. I divorced him in 93 and thought my problems were over. I have had a lot of codependency counseling in the past and it made me a changed person until it comes to my 33 year-old son who is an alcoholic and drug addict. Last week I took his keys to his truck.( He lived with me)and he became so angry he broke 2 of my phones. In desperation, I called 911 and deputies came to my home but because he hadn’t hit me or threatened me, they couldn’t take him to jail. I made him move out and now I worry about him. He’s just going from pillar to post, drinking and driving. He is working but broke and homeless. Do I forbid him to come back home? The nurturing part of me wants to provide him a place to stay and hot meals, etc, like I have always done but all this has just enabled him to keep doing his thing and blowing his paycheck on drugs and alcohol. Please help me. I know I need to start showing some tough love but it’s so very hard. He is completely out of control and has let his addictions take over his life B.
Answer: Dear B.: My guess is that this is too much for you to deal with on your own. I would start going to AlAnon meetings and get help. You have a life, too and if you decide not to make his life your life, you are probably going to need a lot of help to make that happen. You deserve better. Blessings, Luise