What’s Happening to Us

Question: Dear Luise: Why do my boyfriend always do things to make me mad and when he does he never talk to me or try to make things right? It always have to be me. Do he still love me even though he don’t talk to me? Do he think about me? Do he hurt as much as I do? Will we fix our problems soon? L.

Answer: Dear L.: There is no way for me to see into you futures and predict what is going to happen. I also have no way to determine what’s going on with your boyfriend.

It sounds to me like you have picked yourself a lemon. By that I mean you are having some very bitter experiences.

Either this guy never had the potential that you thought he had or it was a flash in the pan and has disappeared. Maybe it was never there and you imagined it. There is very little to be gained from hoping he won’t be like he is.

All of us tend to try to be what our would-be partners want us to be in the beginning. We want to be the one they choose and many of us do our best to fulfill their hopes and dreams. The problem with such behavior is that it can’t last.
If we already are that way, we don’t have to try and if we have to try, it’s just not going to continue. We can’t go on indefinitely trying to be someone we aren’t.

It sounds to me like your boyfriend wanted to win you and so he did what he needed to do to accomplish that. Now he has you and he is either disappointed with how things have turned out and no longer cares, or he can’t keep the masquerade up.

The fact that he won’t discuss it, address it or work with you to fix it is the handwriting on the wall. You can either stay and have it be the way it is, accepting whatever he offers and finding a way to be content with it, or you go.

Please know that there are pros and cons in each approach. Sometimes the familiar is less frightening but when you settle for less, contentment is usually hard to find. At the same time, the other side of the coin can present change and
insecurity and be equally as difficult to get through.

Look deeply within yourself and ask yourself if you don’t deserve better. You are, after all, your own best friend. Then act accordingly. Blessings, Luise

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