Question: Dear Luise: I have a son 19 years old,living with me,drug and poker problems for two or three years,back and fourth not continously,he has 4 weeks that has stop marijuana and having withdraw symptoms,very nervous,no apperite,not sleeping good,when i try to talk to him,he is telling me stop and I hate you.I feel sick of this,i really loves him depply even what I have been through,long nigt without sleeping waiting for him….he lost all his saving in poker and he is just staying and his room playing XBOX games.I am so worry about him,he does not talk to me,I’m helping him with everything he needs,he is going to college,not working righ now,looking to find a job around…I feel so bad to hear my son saying like that…I can believe is he my son,he’s reactions are not normal…..I really need advice from you my dear,what I should tell him?I don’t gave money to put him some where…I feel like a failure mother….Help me please,your advice in this difficult time will means a lot,never ever feel so bad…..THX a lot dear blessed lady! A.
Answer: Dear A.: First of all, you are not a failure, your son is. It’s not the same thing. Failure in early adulthood is pretty common…most young adults still have a lot to learn.
I think that you are supporting his lack of progress by letting him live with you. He needs to go out into the world and be responsible for himself. He’s using you and abusing you. That hurts him on some level as much as it hurts you. Let go and send him on his way. Not easy but you have a life and you have a right to live it. This is about him.
Please come over to my Web-forum: www.WiseWomenUnite.com where this kind of situation is what we work on every day. There is a lot of support there. Blessings, Luise