QUESTION: DEAR LUISE: I LOST MY MOTHER A YEAR AGO AND MY FATHER 4 1/2 YEARS AGO. I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH SOME HARD TIMES. WHEN MY DAD GOT SICK MY SON GOT MARIED AND I TRIED TO DO EVERYTHING I COULD TO MAKE IT WONDERFUL FOR THEM. HE EXCLUDED MY SON’S FROM HIS WEDDING. WE MOVED PAST THAT IT IS HIS WEDING. I AM 60 YEARS OLD AND I WORK 2 JOBS AND TRY MY BEST TO PLEASE MY 4 CHILDREN AS BEST I CAN. MY SON AND HIS WIFE GOT MAD AT ME AT THRE BABY’S CHRISTNING. I JUST REALIZED I SIGNED THE CHRISTNING CARD MOM AND DAD NOT NANA AND PAPA. OTHER THAN THAT, I’M NOT SURE WHAT I HAVE DONE. AFTER 2 MONTHS OF NOT SEEING THE BABY WE FINALY SPOKE. NOW 3 YEARS LATER. ON MY 60TH BIRTHDAY THEY GET ME A GREAT GIFT TO GO WITH THEM TO DISNEY AND THEY PICK A FIGHT WITH ME A WEEK BEFORE. THEY TELL ME I SAID SOMETHING STUPID AND ATACK ME. I FEEL THAT THEY ATACK ME A LOT AND ALL I DO IS TRY. I’M NOT PERFECT AND I HAVE BEEN STRUGLING WITH THE LOSS OF MY PARENTS. I HAVE GOTTEN CLOSE TO THE KIDS THEY HAVE 2 NOW. MY SON WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AGAIN. I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID. S.
Answer: Dear S.: You didn’t do anything that would warrant the kind of treatment you are getting…I guarantee it. You are human and so are they. However it often seems to be the fate of young adults to allow humanness in themselves but not in others.
I feel you might benefit from the input of a supportive community, not just from me, in getting through this. I have established a Web-forum for those of us that are struggling with issues that arise with our adult children and extended families. It’s a loving community of women who share and care about each other. Many have found answers there, not always solutions but ways to move through the pain being experienced. Please consider coming over to www.WiseWomenUnite.com . Blessings, Luise