Question: Dear Luise: My fiancé and I are about to get married soon. He has two children, twelve and thirteen from a previous marriage and is a good father. The ex-wife who is also engaged was very upset when she found out that we were getting married and began to create a whole bunch of trouble. She has not allowed my fiancé to spend every other weekend with his kids since she heard about the engagement and has even tried to stop his involvement with his children by contacting social services and accusing him of domestic violence. Although neither of those things have worked in her favor she still refuses to allow him to spend time with his kids the way he did before. What advise can you offer on this matter? Is there anything that can be done? S.
Answer: Dear S. There are laws about such things. I don’t know where you live but there are also attorneys who know about the laws. Thank goodness there are also governmental agencies that are wise enough not to buy into such unfounded accusations.
How very sad that she is using the children as pawns and keeping them from their dad. It’s not about what she “allows”. It’s about the law and how it can be enforced. Your husband is going to have to be pro-active and act in his own defense. His “ex” isn’t in charge and the children aren’t exclusively her kids.
However, if she was allowing him to spend more time with them than their divorce stipulated, there isn’t much you can do about her pulling back in that area.
Isn’t the double standard amazing? She can remarry but he can’t? Give me a break!
Your job is to be as understanding and as caring as you can, supporting him in this nasty situation in every way possible. Are you up for that? It’s not going to be easy. Be kind to the kids and don’t get into it with them or bad-mouth their mom. That always makes things worse. The person with the most dignity wins…even though it may not look like that at times.
Think seriously about counseling for his kids because this can’t help but be very confusing. They are the ones who will ultimately pay the price. Blessings, Luise