Question: Dear Luise: May God Bless you. Thank you so much for your answer you wrote to LP. She asked “Why Does my Boyfriend Write another Woman and sign it “Kisses?” This has helped me to get my feelings out concerning my fiancé writing his ex-fiancé to give her spiritual advice on her life, (so he says). I believe he is giving her spiritual advice, but his reason is not legit. Meaning he has a need to feel wanted and needed by her. They met years ago and she left him at the alter but they have remained friends, against my asking. (I do not have proof that he is still writing her except my woman’s intuition.) We became Pen Pals (Yes, he’s incarcerated) and now we are in love and plan to be married. He is in jail and has been for 18 years. I am wondering what do you think about the issue at hand and also how do you feel about prison relationships. F.
Answer: Dear F.: I think any written love-affair is mostly fantasy. There is too much left to the imagination and not enough real-life experience to put anything solid together. It’s all mental and emotional without any physical reality. However, it can be a foundation for something solid later on.
When a guy writes to someone else, whether it is advice or part of a continued connection, it is his business, not yours. That’s always hard to face, but it’s true. Trying to change him by telling him what to do and how to be is not your job. Your business is how you react to how he is…and what you do as a result. My guess is that he and his “ex” still have something serious going on, if he has gotten past being dumped in such a drastic way.
You may be building castles in the air. The only way you will know is by seeing what happens when he gets out. Take it slowly and be cautious. It is not a time to be reckless and impetuous. He’s a real person with built-in limitations and short suits and so are you. None of us are as “ideal” as we would like to be. Blessings, Luise