Question: Dear Luise: Please help. How can i stop from being very very upset with the daughterinlaw my son got married 4 years back and the trouble has been getting worse between her and me. infact my son doesnt talk to me anymore, they have a 1yr daughter and i love her dearly, there is missunderstanding alway between the daugghterinlaw and me we cannot stand eachother, she has taken my son away from me there is not sister brother relationship or mother son. she gets along with my husbaand. she was away for a cuple of weeks ande verything was ok but tghe min. she came back it all started again he is not speaking anymore. we had an argument later tis evening and raised my hand at her cause she shouted at me was it fair i didnt realise it at that time it just happed, she annoyed me that much that i had to smack her on her head missing herf face. now this has coused tension in the house and has made more friction in the house we just cant stand eachother what can i do to stop my anger. please help. P.
Answer: Dear P.: There is never an acceptable excuse for physical violence. The next time that happens, the police may be called. And it will happen again. Long ago you both needed to get that is wasn’t going to work. If you all live together, you need to move out or they do. The truth is that your son is an adult and he gets to make his own choices. He picked a DIL that you can’t get along with and neither of you is going to change. You can’t ever be close to your granddaughter and at the same time not be speaking to her parents. It just doesn’t work that way.
You need to pull away from all of the drama and trauma and create a life for yourself. You were a whole person before you had a family and you can be whole again. You did your best and your job is done. Now they get to make the rules regarding their little family just the same way you once did.
Stopping your anger is unrealistic. You would have to be a different person to make it work and so would your DIL. You deserve so much better and so does she. Let them go and start the healing process. Blessings, Luise