Was Saving Him Wrong?

Question: Dear Luise: My son was kidnapped when he was 3 years old by his paternal great grandmother because when I finally got away from her severely abusive grandson, she feared she wouldn’t see my son anymore. She used everyone she knew to get and keep him. After 3 and a half years of fighting, I finally got him back a year and a half ago. My son is 8 years old now, has pervasive developmental disorder, attachment disorder, and completely resents me for taking him away from his great grandmother who did nothing but spoil him and feed him. When I got him back, he didn’t even know how to wipe, or dress himself. At 6 years old, he weighed 114lbs. After being home with me for under 2 years, he has lost 40lbs just because he isn’t allowed to eat a whole pizza, a box of macaroni and then McDonald’s for dinner every night. In my house there is a healthy, loving stable, nurturing, environment with stability, routine, as well as rules and expectations. He recently started hitting and scratching himself when he gets frustrated and I overheard him on a baby monitor saying he was going to stab me in my sleep! His teachers and everyone always talk about how sweet he is, but he holds so much hate for me. I don’t know what to do. He just came back from a week stay at a psych hospital because he punched himself in the face so hard it was badly bruised. They said he was fine for them, and were just going on about how sweet and pleasant he is. Come to find out it was probably because he had a whole team focusing on him, he got whatever he asked for, didn’t have to brush his teeth, got to do all the fun stuff I don’t let him do, ie: unraveling the entire toilet paper roll to stuff down the toilet, and his temper tantrums of throwing and tearing up his things went unnoticed. His normal therapist doesn’t know what to do with him. I don’t know what to do. I feel like a complete failure because I don’t know what to do. Do you have any suggestions that I may have missed? S.

Answer: Dear S.: I have no training and no credentials and you have professionals working with you and your son. All I can see is that his great grandmother has all but destroyed him. You are the bad guy in his eyes and in time you may be in danger.

I don’t have a clue. He may end up needing to live someplace else. Blessings, Luise

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