Was It Wrong To Make Her Leave?

Question: Dear Luise: I need help with my daughter in law. My son has served 4 years in prison and all the time he in prison we helped her with their two kids which the baby was born when he was prison. We helped her cloth,feed,and anything they needed we were there for her.  My husband would even take her to see my son in prison and I would stay behind so we would not be so crowded in the car with the car seats and all.  Well he came home in Dec of 2010 and all she did was fight and agrue with him and throw in his face that she waited for him and she had wasted her time. I told her many time that if she didnt want to wait for him to go and that would be the end . No fighting just talking to her.  I am no angel but she turned on us with a vengence. We cant see the kids I tell my son to pick her but he is misserable with her so I dont know what heis gonna do.  She is brain washing my granddaughter that is 9 that she says she does not want to come and see us ..I did ask her to leave my house cause the fighting was so bad that everyone was walking on egg shells..Did I do wrong by kicking her out. I told her the kids would always have a home…I just cant live with her. My son is under house arrest till Nove or dec but I dont know..An opinion would be nice from you hope you understand our situation.. thanks, M.

Answer: Dear M.: This sounds like a darned if you do and darned if you don’t thing. The situation was awful when they were with you and together and they are awful now that she’s left.

The truth is it’s for them to work out. By making her leave, (and it is your house so you definitely have a say about what goes on there,) you have gotten rid of one problem, which was having her around, and created another.

I think I would ask my son what he wants and try to back him if he wants her back there until November. The other side of the coin is that she sounds like she isn’t going to forgive him or give him a chance with his daughter. I’d let him decide for now…and then let the chips fall where they may in November. Blessings, Luise


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