They Won’t apologize

Question: Dear Luise: To put it simply, I do not wish to speak to my parents anymore. I’m 22 years old and still living with my parents. I’m engaged to a girl who they do like, she is a lovely girl and always helps me when I need her. however, i have recently been looking to move out and find a place with her. Money is not an issue here as i work full time a National Manaegr for a company, and she works full time and goes college. recently, however, my parents have been treating me like a teen, recently calling me an “idiot” over nothing. i asked me father to help me collect a Dining room table for the house we are looking to buy. He agreed, however, my mother (in her own fashion) decided this was an oppertunity to start yet ANOTHER argument over nothing. she was lashing out and saying all sorts of things that had nothing to do with the conversation at hand. i asked them to stop treating me like an idiot, to which they looked at me like i had said he most rediculous thing. i walked away asking for nothing but an apology. (i HATE arguments and being in the, i always rather walk away) in which instance my older brother decided it was his chance, tellin me start “acting like an adult” … my brother has not seen me in years, he has no idea what I do in my ilfe as he lives on his own quite  afew miles away, i believe his comment came from no where other than spitefulness. i awaited for my parents to say something but they did not. i have still not had an apology. i have had this type of situation occuring frequently, to the point that even my fiancees parents have been asking me questions about it (it has happened infront of them also) D.

Answer: Dear D.: My take is that you are past due regarding moving out. You have been, in years past, a little kid in that household and I sounds like they still see you that way and treat you accordingly.

However, I would suggest you drop the apology request. The only apology that can be seen as sincere is one that comes voluntarily. Does that make sense? A forced apology never indicates that the other person actually agrees with you or thinks they were wrong.

If you need help…ask a friend, not a family member and try to forgive them their shortsightedness. Being angry and not speaking to others only hurts you, not them. If you can, try to rise above it. You have a good job and a great partner…it’s time to move out into the world as an independent adult. Blessings, Luise


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