Question: My son and DIL went to Utah for a vacation and I took care of my grand baby for a few days. I was told what and when to feed her by my DIL.I took my grand baby to a friend’s home and she busted out the Oreo cookies.I gave 1 to my grand baby and she loved it. When I told my DHL at my grand babies 1st Bday party she didn’t seem to care. Two days later my DHL called me screaming at me from the get go.How dare I give her that without calling her first long distance for permission. She could have choked DHL should have been the first to give her a cookie and I could go on and on. The disrespect and verbal BS was more than I could handle so I hung up.My Son has asked me to write an e-mail of apology to her but run it by him first.I feel that she should apologize to me but I am sure that will never happen. Should I just suck it up and say I am sorry for giving her a cookie? This is not the first time that she has ” made mountains out of mole hills” and handles the situation inappropriately.I have gone way beyond being the very best MIL that most girls could only dream of and from her I never hear the words thank you.It seems the Drama is just beyond belief. I don’t want that wedge to go deeper. Please Help! L.
Answer: Dear L. Unfortunately, what you see is what you get with your daughter in law. To keep the door open, write a sincere apology and run it by your son.
He picked her and it looks like what you think and how you feel doesn’t carry much weight. To keep the peace, once it is reestablished, get your instructions clear and be extremely careful not to deviate…even with a cookie.
If you feel you need continued support in learning to live with such constraints, (I would,) please consider coming over to my Web-forum that was designed for women with issues around adult children and extended families. We are at: www.WiseWomenUnite.com . I look forward to seeing you there. Blessings, Luise