Question: Dear Luise: I am desperate for help. My son has been with his girlfriend for 3 years. She and I have always gotten along. He and I have a great relationship and have never been angry with each other. My son purposed to her 2 months ago when he and her family went on a family vacation at the beach. My son called and asked me to fly in and be there when he came back to the beach house with her after he purposed. The day I flew in I called my son to let him know I had arrived. He told me that her mother told him to purpose to her the night before he had planned so they would have an extra day to make wedding plans. The wedding was 9 months away. My son did as her mother asked. I was hurt that I had been left out of a major event in my son’s life after he had asked me to fly in for it. The day I arrived to the beach, at the time I was told to be there for the party, they were all out to dinner together. I was told I couldn’t come to eat with them, to meet them at the house. I went to eat fast food and headed to the house. I called my son when I couldn’t find the house. I was then told to come by the restaurant to meet and follow them to the house. This also hurt me and made me feel left out. 2 months ago his fiancée started building a web site about their wedding. There were thing’s in the website that also hurt my feelings. I finally spoke up and said they were hurting me and making me feel left out. So his fiancée took the grooms mother completely from the site and replaced me with the grooms step mother. I am no longer mentioned on the website along with the other parents and family. Neither of them are answering my emails or returning my phone calls. I do not know what to do. Please help. Rene
Answer: Dear Rene: The mother-in-law-to-be tells the son-in-law-to-be what time it would be convenient for her to have him propose to her daughter? What’s wrong with this picture? Do you recall the “color me” sayings? Well, color me disgusted!
This kind of situation does not lend itself to easy resolution because there is very little you can do except keep you dignity and make it clear to your son that you love him.
What’s happening here is that he is probably so besotted with his fiance that he hasn’t noticed what it is costing him. At present he may feel like his sweetheart’s deferring to her mother is natural and even charming. Who knows what he’s thinking or even if he is.
It will eventually dawn on your son that his mother-in-law-to-be is steam-rolling him and dishonoring his mother. Who knows how his bride-to-be will handle that revelation when it hits him or if she will be able to see it herself. What’s clear is that you can’t make either of them see what they don’t want to see, right now
You tell them how you feel because you think it matters. And you’re off the web site. Take that!
I suggest that you back way off before you are barred from attending this epic wedding. You may be the only one at the wedding who sees the ring in you son’s nose. Bide your time. Your son has made a choice and there are many lessons waiting for him in the wings. Be there for him when the time comes that he turns to you. It will and he will. Blessings, Luise