Question: Dear Luise: I have one son who has been married for almost 3 years and has a new 2-month old baby girl. His wife is nice enough and I have known her for many years since they went to high school together (although were not together as a couple then). She comes from an extrememly wealthy, suffocating family and she and , particularily, her Mom are extremely close. I should mention that they also live about 150 miles from us and her parents live in the same neighborhood as my son and daughter-in-law. Her parents see the baby every day (they also all work together) and when it comes time for us to see the baby..we always have to come to their house and when we are there, her parents are ALWAYS in the picture…we have not had more than one day alone with our new grandchild. My husband is becoming very frustrated at the disparity and wants me to talk to our son..what would you do? S.
Answer: Dear S.: Talking to your son will undoubtedly make things worse. He knows what’s going on and has chosen the line of least resistance. You can’t change him. If you try, you will only alienate him further. Many who have tried have ended up totally cut off. Be careful!Your question or a variation of it is asked so often here that I have set up a Web-forum for women with issues around their adult children and extended families. Please join us at: www.WiseWomenUnite.com.
The answer is that there is nothing you can do about it. They’ve established a new family unit and they make the rules. Logic and fairness often have no place in their calculations and your hopes, dreams…and even reasonable expectations, are often of no consequence. It can be an awful shock and letting go can be excruciating…I know, I’ve been there. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise