Question: Dear Luise, I have read many of your comments to your writer’s concerns and feel I can trust your advice. My bf, also my son’s father, and I have had a very turbulent relationship. We were young parents and struggled to maintain a relationship together. We hadn’t known each other for very long so we had a lot of growing up to do very quickly and neither of us were finished post-secondary. We have since worked things out and are in a happy relationship. BUT, my MIL is stressing me out. She used to like me but now she’s turned her back on me. She used to say I was like a daughter to her so I would confide in her the way a daughter would a mother. That was probably a mistake on my part because I was probably too honest about my relationship problems. I go out of my way to take my son over to her place on Sundays so my son can spend time with his paternal grandparents. These Sundays were not organized, she just expected me to take her grandson over. As hard as it is, I try to spend time with her as well but she keeps subtly insulting me and my family because my parents are divorced. She’ll make “broken family” comments non-stop and how she should watch my son so he doesn’t turn into a bad person. She only does this when my bf is not around and always tries to tell me to come back later to pick up my son. There are so many more insulting and disrespectful things she does and it’s very hurtful. I’m trying my best to not participate in her childish games. I’ve tolerated it long enough and I’m at the point where I’m don’t even want to go there nor take my son to spend time with people that are disrespecting his mother and essentially his family too. She has really crossed the line and I don’t want to talk to my bf about it because I don’t want it to stress him out but I also need to make it clear to her to stop without adding fuel to the fire. I’m reaching deep into my soul to find patience anywhere left that I can. Should I talk to her about this? Ultimately, I don’t want to have this problem that she created and I just don’t know the right way to handle people with a big ego. And I definitely don’t appreciate my kindness being taken for weakness. It’s psychologically and emotionally draining. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. K.
Answer: Dear K.: Please bring your issue over to my extended family Web-forum: www.WiseWomenUnite.com It’s a place where you will be able dialogue about your situation with sympathetic and helpful MILs and DILs.
My take is that you have gone out of your way to be a loving DIL and deserve a lot better than what you’re getting. However, I think if you take action to try to work things out…it might get even worse. Your MIL sounds very immature and self-absorbed. I’m sure you will get some valuable feedback on WWU. Blessings, Luise