Question: Dear Luise: I’m feeling lonesome for my sons. I have been divorced from their Dad for 30 years now and am alone. My son’s are twins (34) years old. One that is divorced lives with me and talks disrespectful to me, the other seems to only come around when he needs something from me, but he has his own business, a wife and a baby on the way any day now. Lately, when I call him I can tell he sounds irritated that I’m calling him too much, I can hear it in his voice. Should I stop calling him and wait for him to call me? S.
Answer: Dear S.: I think you would benefit from joining my Web-Forum at www.WiseWomenUnite.com . It is for those of us who are facing serious issues with our adult children and extended families.
My sense is you need to stop calling and also stop waiting for your son to call you. We have hopes and dreams and expectations but our adult children have the responsibility to fulfill them; as adults, they are at choice. Some do and some don’t. Our job is to get that we did our best and we can’t rely on others to make our lives complete.
We also have the responsibility to see that we are respected. Providing housing for anyone who is disrespectful or only interacting when another person chooses to attempt to use us shows no self-respect. We can’t expect respect from others if we don’t give it to ourselves.
Healing comes when we start to let go of being wronged and move on to just “being.” We were whole before we had children and we can be whole again. Often the first step is to share with a supportive community and to feel the love and understanding available there. Blessings, Luise