Should I Stay Or Go

Question: Dear Luise: We have a 2 year old girl who is the love of my life I’m 43 my girlfriend 33, I excepted in my house when when I was well financially stable, she lived for free never worked even tho I asked her to get a job, things when bad I lost everything but she stay with me. I got back up and I’m doing better but not as before. She got a large amount of money has been on a spending spree buys and lends money to people that have never done anything for her or just met,   gave me a pair of shoes and jeans. Im not making a lots of money yet I have to pay my half of the bills leaving me with zero in my bank. Sex stopped the minute she got the money, she said she fell out of love. I would move out but is a lousy mother does not cook for our baby baby is always constupated. I work come home cook do laundry, weekends I take her with me everywhere I go because she stays home with her mother all week. I need help what do I do ? Stay or go? R.

Answer: Dear R.: There is no easy solution. You know that. You are being used and abused. To stay means you are pretty much going to be living your life for your daughter. To do that you will need to make peace with what that course of action asks of you. Can you do that?

The only other option I am aware of is for you to seek full custody. If you succeed, and there is no guarantee that you will, you are going to have to pay for child care and often what is available is just about what you girlfriend offers. You will also be liable for 100% of your living expenses. There is the possibility that in the future you might find a woman who offers both of you what you deserve. However, it’s just a possibility.

You will need to advice of an attorney, of course, on how to proceed, should you choose to try to gain full custody of your daughter. There is always a chance that you will not win and will lose the opportunity to spend as much time as you do with her now

You deserve so much better and so does your daughter. I wish I could offer more encouragement. Blessings, Luise




4 Responses to Should I Stay Or Go

  1. C. December 4, 2011 at 3:58 pm #

    I have a live in boyfriend who i have been with on and off for the past 9 years. Any way, We just brouht a house together 2 years ago. I don’t feel close to him anymore and i hate having sex with him.

    It is rare that we do have sex, he gets mad when i say no. I can’t even stand to look at him. All the things he does bothers me. like he lays out in the sun all day.He does’nt know how to change a tire or hang curtain rodse has too many girlish straits. Everttime i break up with him , he goes crazy and begs me to come back. I feel trapped, and I know it was a stupid thing to do by buying a house with him. I something feel scared when i tell him no to sex because of how mad he gets. but i just doen’t have any interest in him and it makes me sick of the thought of kissing him because of the extra wet kiss he gives. He is 10 years older than me and in ways reminds me of my father exspecially when he tries to tell me what to do. Iam 47 years old. I don’t have any money to leave. C.

    • Luise Volta December 10, 2011 at 12:41 pm #

      Pick up your dignity and leave anyhow. Relationships end where there is no money to leave, if leaving is importtant enough. You are a prisoner to the manipulations of someone you can’t stand. You are still young from my point of view. I left a relationship that wasn’t working at age 60 without a cent in my pocket and never looked back. Beyond that my life opened up to joy and fulfillment. Be your own best friend. Blessings, Luise

  2. A. December 4, 2011 at 11:05 pm #

    I just want to say that it is very nice of you to take your time and try to help other people. God bless you for that. A.

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