Question: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 and a half years now. We have 4 children together. In the beginning of our relationship we were fine and I asked him to marry me and he said no. I was heartbroken but decided that since I loved him so much I would still be with him. For the first 3 years our relationship became abusive and we fought often. We haven’t fought or had any abusive encounters since 2005. Now after we’ve just had our fourth child he asked me to marry him. I’m confused now, because why did it take so long for him to want to marry me when before he said he would never want to get married. I don’t know if I completely trust his motives for wanting to marry me. My question is should I marry him or should I just say no and end the relationship? He has no other children with anyone else and he’s been faithful as far as I know…although I have found numbers in his wallet before. I’m just so confused. Please help! C.
Answer: Dear C.: The one thing we all know about marriage is that there are lots of promises but no guarantees. Your guy may feel more like settling down now than he did in the beginning and he may also be taking into account that you have a family to raise.
Lots of people do well before they marry and then everything goes down the drain when they say “I Do.” That’s got to be psychological but it can be deadly, apparently.
Going through his wallet looking for “whatever” and finding phone numbers doesn’t sound like you are totally comfortable. As you know, guys with clean wallets can still cheat like crazy and all phone numbers are not bad news.
Talk together about this…look at the pros and cons and see what both of you would expect if you married. He may be as disappointed as you once were with your lack of enthusiasm. Ask each other why you would do it now? Better insurance coverage and other legal benefits and protection?
Also…look into your heart to see if you have ever gotten over getting turned down. If that’s still in the way, it’s time to clean it up. Blessings, Luise