Question: Dear Luise: I have been going through a really hard time for that last month or so. I was engaged since April of this year and the wedding was set for October. We have been together for 2 years and she has a 6 year-old son who I love as if he was my own. Back in June we found out the she was pregnant and that was one of the happiest moments of my life. We had been trying for a while due to some medical problems she has, but shortly after finding out she was pregnant we lost the baby due to those medical problems. It was like down hill from there, she started to become very distant and close off to me. Then one day she called and just told me she didn’t think she wanted to be married or be in a relationship. This came a shock to me because I have been there in every way possible and all she can tell me is that she needs to get herself together. But since she dumped me all she has been doing in going to the clubs every weekend plus when I do talk to her she treats me like I did something wrong or she talks to me like she hates me. I am very confused and also very worried about her and her son. Please if you can give me some of your wisdom. Should I just walk away or should I keep trying to find out what’s going on? Thank you. D.
Answer: Dear D.: Your fiancé may need counseling and/or medical care. She isn’t going to find peace going to clubs and pretending she’s a carefree, party girl. The loss of a child, even when it is a miscarriage, can cause serious problems. She needs to be seen and diagnosed…and if indicated, treated for whatever has thrown her off track. It may be postpartum depression or hormone imbalance to name a few possibilities. I, of course, have no idea.
If she has fixated on you as the problem instead of her support system, there isn’t much you can do about that except to tell her that you simply don’t understand and have no idea how to help her if she won’t let you do that. You can’t do much for her if she is in denial. Does she have family you can appeal to?
It’s a heartbreaking situation for both of you but all I can recommend is that you distance your self and, for a while at least, remain available if she changes direction. Blessings, Luise