Question: Dear Luise: ok well my husband passed away 9 months ago. I gave birth to our 3rd son 4 months after he died my mother in law treats them very different, one of my twins she treats like a prince n the other twin she keeps n shows him she loves him also but my baby I have to ask her to keep him she never ofers like she does with my twins. Also they return home ignoring me calling me by my name and telling me how bad a mother I am n they say they want to go back. What should I do I honestly bend over backwards so his family sees them n they make no effort. Should I keep letting them go every weekend like normal or what. I’m clueless plz help. D.
Answer: Dear D.: You can’t change your mother-in-law. However, you are seeing some serious damage being done to your little family as the result of her spoiling the twins and not caring about the baby. As hard as it may be to do, I would tell her that as a loving mother you are not going to allow what you see happening to continue.
Tell her that you know she has the right to her own feelings and to express them as she sees fit. However, make it clear that you are acting in your children’s best interest and it’s totally up to you to determine what that is. (I’d even think about moving farther away.)
Make it clear that you are not accepting any more outside interference and the visits have come to an end. Whether she is aware of it or not, that’s not only your right, to be the best mother you can possibly be, it is also your duty, Blessings, Luise