How Can I Help without Getting in the Middle

Question: Dear Luise: My son and his fiancé have been dating for a little over 3 years. My son recently enlisted in the Army. The two were engaged prior to his leaving for boot camp. A few weeks after he left…his fiancé suddenly quit coming over or calling. She disassociated herself from her normal social crowd and has yet to return any calls or messages I have sent her. My son is saddened by this and finds it odd. He only gets a weekly call home, and voiced a concern about not being able to get hold of his fiancé. He used two calling cards in an attempt to get hold of her with negative results. I have sent her emails, text messages and voice messages, I even called her house, but her mom only answers. Recently, I learned that she transferred his bank account statements to her residence and has been making charges on his account. I don’t even know if he authorized the charges or change of address. I find this completely odd. I checked her MYSPACE account and it appears she is seeing another guy and bragging about transferring funds from my son’s account to her account. I am sincerely concerned but don’t know how to approach this without getting in the middle and prying. HELP! J.

Answer: Dear J.: There are people who won’t agree with me on this but I think your son needs someone to get in the middle…quickly. Her conduct justifies your stepping into protective mode.

I’d go into MYSPACE, copy and paste what she wrote there and get it to him, even if it has to be by overnight snail mail. However, tell him not to wait for the evidence…he needs to close his accounts and cancel any credit cards immediately. And I mean YESTERDAY! Help him to do that in any way you can.

This situation is more common than anyone would imagine. Some young, engaged women (as well as young married women) have a hey day with funds sent home from service men and with their savings and credit cards…(while they also play the field to their hearts content.) I have a friend whose son took a civilian job in the Middle East. He had high paying job and no overhead, so he sent everything home to his wife to make a large down payment on a house. The amount of money his wife went through was staggering (as in, mega-thousands) while her personal conduct was disgusting. His mom didn’t want to interfere and he got wiped out and dumped.

Move fast and protect your own…that’s what I would do. Time is of the essence and it may already be too late. For further support, please come over to my web-Forum with your issue. We’re at: (You don’t have to be a MIL.) Blessings, Luise

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