Question: Dear Luise: My mother and I have been fighting over the guy I have been dating for almost 6 months now. I am only 19 and she thinks I’m going to marry him! (?) I still have a long life to live and we are crazy about each other. I don’t plan on breaking up with him, but it’s ruining our relationship. She won’t let it go what do I do? H.
Answer: Dear H.: She either sees some red flags or she thinks she’s losing you, (or both.) In your mother’s generation, marriage would probably be happening soon in circumstances similar to yours. There didn’t used to be the concept of young women valuing freedom and independence. She may be terrified that’s it’s all over for you, if she thinks you’re headed for the alter (no matter what you say) and that didn’t bring fulfillment for her.
If you can’t talk with her about this and you still live at home, it may be time to move out. She doesn’t have the right to ruin your relationship. If you have already moved out, let her know that you deserve respect and are going to create some distance until she can see you as an adult, able to make your own decisions. If you make mistakes, so be it; that’s often how we learn and grow. Blessings, Luise