Question: Dear Luise: I`m asking this question in a hope of getting a fruitful response from you..i was in a relationship with one of my classmate for 1 & an half yr..after our relationship started we lived for these yrs far away from each other becoz we started studying in two different universities…our relationship was never possible asour parents dont allow us to marry each other…even then we stayed as lovers and talked on phone only…it was like a contract that we will be in this relation for 2yrs and will be depart from each other after that…but recently I`v got a girl that I`m going to marry which my parents have liked too..this girl is very nice and know everything about my previous relationship..finally I told about this decision to my previous partner..I told her that we need to break up now….she got hurt very deeply as she never expected this from me…I tried a lot to make her understand that I`v got to do it for my parents`s happiness…but she is such shocked that going through hell these days…I`m so depressed becoz of her condition…the only objection she has is that why I did it so early?? I tried to tell her that itwas good for both of us…I don`t want to get more drown in emotional attachments by staying for more six months as We have got to depart ultimately…but all my efforts is in vain…i can`t sleep and eat as her crying face always comes before my eyes…everyday I pray to god to make her life beautiful which I even couldn`t have done….me so depressed lusie..plz plz tell me what to do? A.
Answer: Dear A.: You are punishing yourself unnecessarily. There is absolutely no reason for you to continue to do that. What you and your first friend had was going nowhere and you both knew it. It was foolish to make a two year commitment when both of you knew that. Please know that we all make mistake and let up on your self.
You both deserve to have happy lives and for her to get into such high drama about you finding your future wife is unrealistic, immature and selfish. No one and I mean NO ONE can make us feel guilty unless we choose to agree. You have bought into her reaction, which is anything but loving. Can’t you see that she should want the best for you? How would you have handled it, if she had connected with the appropriate person after only 6 months? I know the answer because I can sense your kindness. You would have released her and wished her well with all sincerity.
I would suggest that you consider yourself lucky…your former friend is sorely lacking. What is going on with her is about her…not you. Turn toward your future with a heart full of love and move forward. You are not in the wrong. Blessings, Luise
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