Question: Dear Luise: My daughter is 24 I’m 52. It was a troubling marriage to her father of 7 yrs he was very abusive. I had no support what so ever! When the vernal abuse kept going and the drinking! There was a time I just tried to run away from it all! And I did leave my daughter with good child care providers! I would sometimes be gone a night or 2 a week! But she was always taken care of! But she will never ever except the pain I was going thru! I have told her many times I’m sorry for not being there! But it doesn’t matter each time I call her you can just hear the hate in her voice! Should I just divorce the thought of calling her! All it does is bring me down, makes me feels like crap! I have made mistakes God forgives me. But she will never!! C.
Answer: Dear C.: There’s nothing to forgive. You did your best. It’s her choice to demand perfection in retrospect. You can’t change any of it and you deserve so much better. Blaming others can keep young adults from becoming responsible and so they put off the joys of maturity.
There are consequences to your daughter’s choices that she may or may not eventually see. You can’t hurry the process of her finding out that she isn’t perfect, either. None of us are. You did a good job. She’s just never talked with people whose parents didn’t care. Let it go. Let her go. What she does with her life is her business. Your job is done and it is time for you to focus on your business…your own peace and happiness.
You may want to come over to my Web-forum where a loving community of women support each other in dealing with issues involving adult children and extended families. We are at www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise