My Daughter Wants Help Buying a House

Question: Dear Luise: My two older adult children have never forgiven my behavior from 20+ years ago. I did drink, however they always had food and shelter and never wanted any necessities. They have been mean their entire adult lives, but recently have written me scathing e mails that basically say how terible of a mother I am and that they hate me. My mother died only 2 months ago and left me just enough money so that I can maybe retire in a few years, since the business I work for is just about to go out of business. I am 61. My oldest, is 31 and is a nurse and makes a great living, but has spent fanatically in her past and is now in debt. She wants money to buy a house. She is also a hoarder and is bringing up a child in squalor. Please advise. S.

Answer: Dear S. Nope, no money, whether a gift or loan. No way! You are looking to the future (as am I) to see how you can be financially responsible for yourself and as comfortable as possible when you retire. Take care of yourself. Don’t let guilt for not being perfect get in your way. There are people who never take a drink that are very inferior parents. You did your best. We would all probably do it differently, if we had it to do over again. Sure we would make some other choices. That’s 20/20 hindsight.

You might also benefit from becoming part of my online community of women who are dealing with issues with adult children and extended families. It’s a Web-forum where a lot of support is available: Come on over. Blessings, Luise



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