Question: Dear Luise: My wife and I have been separated for 5 months now. We have been married for 14 years. She left our home and left me with our children about 7 weeks ago. She claims to need time to get her head straight and that she’s been thinking about coming back but she really doesn’t show it. When we are together which is not much, she can either be very affectionate or just friendly. She has little interaction with our boys, ages 12 and 15. What can I do on my part to make her realize what she is doing is wrong. We had a very good marriage for the most part. Last May she was madly in love with me and towards the end of July she was pulling away pretty fast. She constantly did things that she knew was going to aggravate me. My real question is do I just let this run it’s course and hope that she comes back or is there anything you think I can do to make her see that what she is doing is wrong, not only to me but to the children also, Help! C.
Answer: Dear C.: I wish I had something really encouraging to tell you. However, every time I have seen someone leave their marriage to “get their head on straight” or because they “needed space”, it was over. There has got to an exception to that rule but I doubt that it is going to happen in your case.
What looks the most discouraging is that your wife is not interested in her children. If she were, you might has a chance to encourage her to go with your to counseling. Her disinterest is pretty awful, in my book, and her moments of affection toward you probably don’t mean much. If I were you, I’d be seeing an attorney to find out what you need to be documenting in your situation. I have a feeling it’s going to all come crashing down around you and your boys. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise