Question: Dear Luise: How do I handle my son’s girlfriend not wanting my granddaughter to visit us as much now that they have moved in together. They are in their mid 30’s and she has never been married no children. My son had to move home after his divorce (his daughter is 5) because of financial reasons. (The daughter was 1 1/2 yrs old when they moved in.) MY husband and I have basically raised her until the past 9 months. and we have a very close relationship with her. My son said she cries and is very moody. She was not that way before. when she does get to come she clings to me and says she never wants to go home. How do I get the girlfriend and my son to understand that they have to do this slowly. not all at once. because my grand daughter will eventually resent her. It is so hard. The girlfriend never has never acted as though she was interested in the little girl now all of a sudden she is making a big deal of it. She says she wants this family feeling and I just don’t get it??????Her demands are separating this family> i told my son he has to step up and do what is right for his daughter. Just because she wants her not to come over does not make them a family. That she wants so badly. I think she should have done this from the beginning and try to build a relationship with her and that did not happen??? Please help me .I do not know how to handle this? K.
Answer: Dear K. Beyond doing the best you can to get through to your son, there is nothing you can do about this, that I know of. No matter how much you have contributed to your granddaughter’s life and it sounds like you have done a great job, your son is an adult and has the right to make his own decisions about his life, his relationships and his daughter’s welfare.
That’s a tall order, I know…but he is a father and he is responsible.
You may want to come over to my Web-forum to discuss this with others who are working through issues with adult children. www.WiseWomenUnite.com