Question: Dear Luise: my eldest daughter just had a baby and the baby father is a pot head and has a felony on his record for domestic violence i allowed this man to come into my home and stay just to help my daughter out to have help with the baby and he speaks to her with disrespect i soke to him about this and he got angry and cursed and me and told me to mind my business i let him know that i do not care ab out their relationship i would just appreciate it if he does not do it in front of me because this is not respectful to me so i asked him to leave what really hurt my heart is that my daughter took up for him my heart has not forgiven her yet but i love my grand son and shes talking about taking him away this is my first grandson my heart hurts im angry i feel hatred i don’t know if this is normal I have sacrificed everything for my children i am a good mother i believe but im tired of her using this child afgainst me what can i do. L.
Answer: Dear L.: You can go to www.WiseWomenUnite.com and join my community where you will find others who are also trying to deal with difficult issues with their adult children and extended families. There is much caring and sharing going on there. You will be lovingly heard and understood. Healing can sometimes come from acceptance when change isn’t an option.
I don’t have a simple answer, since your daughter is old enough to make her own choices and learn from them, or not. There is no way that I know of to have a relationship with a baby if you don’t have one with the parents. They hold all the cards. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise