Question: Dear Luise: Here is the situation… My boyfriend and his mother and brother are from Ukraine. Every thing was fine at first until i figured out who his mom really was… a jealous mother. she acts like she likes me to my face, most of the time, and i saw how two faced she really is.. we all moved to florida from virginia all together, and beleave me, it is just getting worse. she talks about me in front of my face in russian, constantly. we have to go back to blacksburg for a few months to take care of a few things, and she is trying to convince my boyfriend to desert me in va and go back without me to fl. i want to turn this around on her, i just dont know how to do it. she is using this nice man for his money, he wants to marry her in va, and he wants her to stay with him there, which would be good because than me and my boyfriend can just move back without her! but she wants to make him believe she is staying with him, and than up and leave, breaking his heart. my oppinion, is she should stay in va and stop causing problems with me and my boy friend, her son. she has never been on her own, she needs to support her 13 year old son, and she keeps putting pressure on my boy friend to carry her every where he goes, so she can live off him, like she has been living off men all her life… any advice? T.
Answer: Dear T.: You can’t change her. As you can see, she has been successful in manipulating the men in her life. Your boyfriend (her son) and her boyfriend will only see through her and set boundaries when they are ready. It is their issue, not yours and you can’t fix it.
You have the choice to join in and play the game, which involves taking her abuse, or you can move on and leave them to figure it out, if and when they do. She is probably a very powerful person masking as helpless and playing on the inability of the men around her to see through her behavior.
Your own self-respect probably brought you to write to me about it. Let it take you the rest of the way. You deserve so much better and it is only going to get worse. Blessings, Luise