Question: Dear Luise: i have a problem i have nvr been a big fan of sex and my boyfriend wats it all the time i have my reasons and they are very dark and happend wheni was a child. I dont understand wats wrong with me and have tried to get help, now my boyfriend seems to judge me for issues i have from my childhood and i dont blame him, but i feel so lost and i want to fix myself as best as i can in someway i really do care alot about him. its still really early in ourrealtionship and i dont want him to leave me because i havent beeable to figure wats wrong with please help im so tired of spendingnights crying all the time. A.
Answer: Dear A.: I don’t have any professional training and what you are up against is beyond my experience. My guess would be that for you to try to have an intimate relationship is putting too much pressure on you. Your guy may not be so much judging you as being frustrated by the sitation. He has the right to expect more than you are able to give. You want to respond normally to something you have learned early-on to fear…but/and you can’t. Maybe you need to move on, independently, and work on getting help that hopefully can bring change, if that is possible. It may take time to find the right therapist and to respond to treatment. If that doesn’t happen, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a very rewarding life without sexual expression. It’s just different. Blessings, Luise