How Can I Save My Marriage

Question: Dear Luise: My husbands left me and said he was never coming back. He likes his freedom. I am hurt and alone. I love him and I want to save my marriage. What can I do? O.

Answer: Dear O.: There isn’t anything you can do. He can’t make you see it his way and you can’t make him see it your way. This is one of the most painful things to experience, loving someone who no longer feels the same way.

You are still in love and want to be married. He no longer loves you and values freedom more than loyalty or his commitment to you. In a way the person you love never existed because the person you thought he was would never have done such a thing. Isn’t that true? Aren’t you pretty much dealing with a stranger?

There is no easy way through this. Eventually you will probably come to realize that you don’t want the kind of person he has become, but it may be a long and rocky road before you get to that point. In the meantime you have to go through wanting what you thought you had and grieving over the loss of your hopes and dreams.

Having a support system helps…family members and friends who care. Keeping busy helps. Your loss is much like a death. Some people think it is worse than a death because when a loved one dies, you are aware that they didn’t leave on purpose and they also left still loving you.

Life brings us lessons we often don’t want. They can make us wiser and more compassionate but at what cost? We usually don’t get to choose which lessons come our way but we can choose how we respond to them. Blessings, Luise

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