Question: Dear Luise: I hope you can help me with my question regarding my husband, I just don’t know where to turn. We are living together in his home country, which is not a problem as I speak the language somewhat, but I have little support other from his family (who I get on well with.) I miss my own family sometimes, but we have a lovely child together, who he loves. The problem is … he does not seem to love me. Especially the last few months. We run our own business (which is going fairly well – we don’t have money troubles but we are far from rich) and my husband works at least 16 hours a day, leaving little time for me or the baby. There are some good times together like on a rare day off, but these times are getting fewer and further between. Our child is now 2, and we have not had sex in over 6 months. He calls me fat on a daily basis, although he claims it’s affectionate. Recently he has become so angry at me – he leaves me in tears every time we work together, and recently I have come to fear him. I seem to constantly be walking on eggshells in case I do something wrong. If I do something wrong he is so angry, even if it is a mistake. He will call me stupid and weak, and gets angry if I cry. It is getting to the stage where I am very worried he may hurt me. He will not talk about the outbursts he has, and I just don’t know what to do. My own mother thinks he regrets getting married and misses the single life. I don’t know what to think about this, it is possibly true, we got married because I accidentally got pregnant, but I hoped it would work out. I’m almost 100% sure he is not having an affair. I would have left an awful long time ago if it had not been for our baby. Please could you shed some insight into your opinion? I feel so guilty about bringing my child up without a father (if I was to move back to my home country) but my own mental health is deteriorating- I feel so sad almost all the time. D.
Answer: Dear D.: In years gone by it was the woman’s job to take whatever was handed out, to not complain and to stay married. Times have changed. When a mother is that upset I think it is as hard on the child as taking the child from the father.
I would go home for a visit and see how you feel. You are both unhappy and there is nothing you can do to resolve it if your husband won’t work with you. Being fearful and living with constant abuse will make you ill. Your daughter needs you. See how it feels to get away and if it’s an improvement…I would stay away. Blessings, Luise