Question: Dear Luise: Is it wrong to date a divorcing person? My family says it is, and that he’s still married. We want to be together. It feels right to us. Still, I feel awful about the problems it is causing with my family. I would appreciate your take on this. Thank you, Thea
Answer: Dear Thea: Your family probably fears for you. It may be their ethics or their concern that you are treading on the quicksand of caring about someone who is on the rebound…or both. They want you to slow down and wait it out. Unfortunately, that’s not what you want. Falling in love is often like setting an avalanche in motion, it’s pretty hard to change it’s course or reduce it’s speed.
Are your writing to me to obtain an ally? Do you want to be able to show your family something in writing that says what you’re doing is OK? If so, you must not be entirely convinced yourself. Talk with this man about the issue. Ask him if he can’t consider finishing what he started, before he starts what he can’t, at this time, finish. If you hook up with him, eventually, life will bring you many additional problems. It’s just like that. Why not start out on the right foot by creating a format for problem solving that will stand you in good stead in the years to come? If he doesn’t want to wait, beware. You know you’re worth waiting for, don’t you? Your family knows it, too. If he doesn’t, what does that indicate? Give this some serious thought. If you are a church-goer, talk with your pastor. Why not start with a clean slate? Blessings, Luise