Question: Dear Luise: I am a 36 yr old female and I date a 34 yr old male. The first 6 months of our relationship was great, sex wise, and then it died. He claims he loves me, finds me sexy, kisses me, holds me, pinches my bottom but when it comes down any interest in sex – he backs off. He claims he enjoys it and wants it but makes up every excuse in the book to avoid it. Too tired, too late, busy right now, favorite show is on, didn’t shower since the AM, wouldn’t you rather go to the movies, wash the car… I mean ANYTHING! The very few and RARE times we have had sex it is ONLY on Sunday morning and it is so quick that it’s over in under 15 minutes. No petting, no foreplay…nothing…and I NEVER am satisfied. It is to the point where when we do have sex it is so boring I just fake it. I try talking to him about it and he says I pressure him and when I don’t, he still doesn’t show interest. I asked if it was me? He said no. Should we see a Dr.? He said he has no problem in that area. When I try approach him, sexually, he makes me dirty and wrong, gets irritated or he ignores me. What can I do? I am in love with him. I am physically attracted to him, yet I feel like sex has become a burden more then something we can share together. This is driving me mad and is consuming my thoughts when I am with him – the rejection is awful. I know I am attractive. Men are interested but I am not interested in them. I am interested in the one I am with. I just don’t understand how can he say he finds me sexy, that I turn him on and he loves me…yet he won’t touch me in that way? D
Answer: Dear D: You can’t do anything that I know of except select another partner who is more in tune with you. It isn’t your problem, it’s his and there IS a problem!
The way your guy is…is the way he is. If you knew why, what good would it do?
To stay with him would take a huge commitment and a huge adjustment. It’s not going to change. The sooner you face that fact, the better. Then, move on. Blessings, Luise