Question: Dear Luise: My boyfriend of less than two months is 30 years old. We live in different towns some distance apart. He has 5 siblings and has to take care of the 2 younger ones after his mother’s death 5 months ago. I understand it is a great loss to get over. I lost my father, too, so I know how it feels. I also know people deal with loss differently, but life goes on. The problem is that he no longer communicates with me very well. He doesn’t behave affectionately towards me anymore yet when I tell him how I feel he says we are fine and nothing has changed. I even ask myself if he is just afraid to tell me it is over. CONFUSED
Answer: Dear Confused: You may have found yourself a really nice guy but it must be becoming painfully clear to you that he’s not very available at this time. Two months is just the “beginning of the beginning” when you are looking at a possible relationship and you are already in serious trouble.
It’s often pretty hard to tell when a person is under that kind of pressure whether he is just overcome by it or is losing interest in you. It might even be both. Either way, if he has so little time and energy for activities outside of his current responsibilities, it certainly isn’t in your best interest to pursue it further. You may have been more of a temporary distraction than a new direction in his life. Whatever it was, it isn’t working…especially for you.
I would suggest that you look elsewhere for romance. Again, it’s not the right time for him and you have your own life to live. Don’t put it on hold. Let him know that you are moving on and wish him well. If he surprises you with a burst of attention, be cautious…it probably won’t last. It’s time to cut your losses and act in your own best interest.
In any new relationship timing isn’t everything but it sure does matter. Both people have to be available, not only by being single but by also being ready to put their combined energy into something new, and hopefully, promising. It can be a very unsatisfactory, one-way street to try to do all of the work your self.
Some people are so unavailable emotionally that they select another person with the same limitation. You don’t sound like that. I think you may have a lot to offer, if you just give your self the chance to meet someone who is ready. Blessings, Luise