Question: Dear Luise: My hurt is beyond measure over the way my daughter-in-law treats me and my husband. .She always has to be included when we have our 12 year- old granddaughter over night and plan an activity. She wants to be in on the thing we will be enjoying with our granddaughter. We last had her over before Christmas 2007. My daughter-in-law makes such a scene that the 12yr gets very upset and it makes us feel awful. We have planned other active with my son and daughter-in-law. Are we so wrong as to just have some time with our granddaughter? Please help us!!! E.
Answer: Dear E.: The only way out of the situation you are in that I can think of is to look at your daughter-in-law as another grandchild. She is acting like one and her jealousy is bringing a lot of grief to your family.
She probably isn’t going to change in the near future. So, I would suggest that you start doing things with her alone. Work up to where you do it often and have as good a time as you can. Keep in mind that what you are doing is for your 12 year-old granddaughter…for her peace of mind and comfort.
Get little gifts for your daughter-in-law…call her and chat. Take her out to eat and/or shopping. Do everything you would naturally do if you really liked her. She’s part of the family and you simply can’t change that no matter how much you might want to. Start small and then increase the attention you give her.
Eventually…(please don’t try to do it right away), you can tell her that you want time alone with your granddaughter just like you have with her. If it doesn’t work, it won’t be because you didn’t try. Blessings, Luise