Question: Dear Luise: I am in a live-in relationship with a guy who hates his job. He’s found work out of this area that would suit him, but he wants to stay with me. It’s just not working. And a result, I am finding his attitude, and this negative environment, hard to deal with. I have work here and don’t want to move. Any suggestions? Sally
Answer: Dear Sally: Well, you said it…it’s not working. We read about people who live in different states, or even countries, who sustain a relationship. Yet, we never hear how they do it or whether it would even fit our definition of a commitment. Your partner has made a choice and he needs to see that it’s time to go back to the drawing board. That’s about him, not you. What you have to do, is to see if you could relocate. If you can’t, what do you have here? It sounds like your careers are your priority. That’s not bad, it’s just how it is.
Your partner’s decision to stay with you and endure the “wrong” job isn’t cutting it. He’s miserable and it’s making you miserable, too. He may think you will eventually cave. Is that a possibility? Or do you think he will eventually settle down and accept the statusquo? Please get this out in the open. Get past the pain and suffering to some real problem solving. If staying won’t work for him, and leaving won’t work for you, split and create a definition of how that looks to each of you. Is it “the end”…a “new” chapter…”to be continued”. It’s time to put your heads together and opt for something else. At this point, probably anything else would be an improvement. Get creative. How much do you love each other? Blessings, Luise