No Time For Mom-gramma

Question: Dear Luise: my sons are 43 and 45. I raised them by myself with no childsupport, working a mans job driving forklift to make ends meet, we were always the best friends. they grew up, i got remarried,and moved a cpl hrs away, they have thier own lives I understand that, I am the most not clinging mother ever, but I love them and my grandchildren ranging from 21 to 7. the only time I see them is if i drive to them, and my sons neither one stay around to visit. they don’t come over to our home to visit either, I haven’t seen them on mothersday in 1o yrs.they don’t call just to say hi, I know they love me, but it breaks my heart I don’t ever see them, and that they don’t want to come to see me, but they do go on alot of other trips sometimes have gone right through our town to go on a motorcycle ride. I can not figure out what happend, why over the past yrs they have no time for me.a phone call would help. I am always there for them, they do know that. the oldest sons ( my ex) was never there for them, yet they would drop anything to go see him, he ( my ex) cancelled a fathersday with them about 10 yrs ago saying he didn’t want all the grandkids to come over and interruput his day. I would give my eye teeth for them to come and see me. well that never happens, yet my ex was diagnosed with terminalcancer and my son spent 10 days at his side( which I was proud of him for doing) and over the yrs I kept asking my son are you sure you don’t want to make up with him, he would always say no he didn’t wantto, well he lost all those yrs, and my thought is, we aren’t even on the outs and he doesn’t contact me,I just don’t understand it and don’t know what to do,do you think I should ask him why? i always try not to rock the boat, but this is hurting me so badly I just can’t shake it. any info would certainly be appreciated. I didn’t know where else to turn i went on line looking for maybe a  site where people talk about the same situations and I found you. J.

Answer: Dear J.: Two years ago I started a Web-forum for women dealing with issues concerning adult children and extended families because the need for dialogue and support is something that can’t be met here. Please come over to: . Blessings, Luise





One Response to No Time For Mom-gramma

  1. Anonymous August 25, 2012 at 6:34 am #

    Dear no time for grandmother-mother

    Your story could be mine. I too have looked for others to share with about this, and have learned, this is a phenomenon of the times which is why there is a phrase for it now “estranged adult children”. After reading about many women of our generation experiencing this same odd peculiarity (no child support, absent father, working our butts off, and then they visiting dad over you???) I have come to realize this behavior has nothing to do with how we did, or did not raise them…it has to do with a lazy, instant gratification, materialistic, entitlement generation. Too, I learned my daughters (I’ve 3 the same ages as your sons), know I’ll always love them so I’m the safe place to dump on; while it is they crave their father’s attention and will do anything to obtain it. Again, this is their illness, not yours. The only thing you can do now, is redirect your energies to things that give you joy, and accept the situation as it is without expectations, and move on knowing you did the best job possible and that their ills are not yours!

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