Question: Dear Luise: I lost my mother on Oct 24 2009. They say it was a heart attack. That’s what my 2 younger brothers say. She was my best friend, my only friend. Now that she is gone. I am lost without her. I have a fiancé’, I live with him and his folks. I miss my home so much. My mom told me she would never leave me. I knew she was saying that to make me feel better. I shouldn’t carry on so. I am age 50. But I feel like I am age 13. I never thought she would die. My dad passed away 10 yrs ago. But we had each other to talk to. I have no one to talk to. I came from an abusive family were basically we all fought one another. There is more to this sad story. But I’d like to know if she knows that I love her and that I wish I had died and not she. C.
Answer: Dear C.: There is a lot in your question that suggests you need to work with a counselor. Death is a natural thing and having a fiancé clearly indicates that you do have someone and are not alone. Your mother gave you life and you are not valuing it. Of course she knows that you love her but/and you are not 13. How could she say she would never leave you? And how can you say you never thought she would die? Self-pity will strangle you. You need to do some serious inner work to be able to enjoy the rest of your life in a home of your own as a mature, responsible woman. Blessings, Luise