Question: Dear Luise: I am the mother of three adult children. My daughter is the middle child and has been the source of many issues that have destroyed my relationship with my family. Her drug rehab counselor told me that she is a master manipulator and I should never allow her to manipulate me. Our relationship is turbulent because I refuse to do what she wants me to do. She has three beautiful daughters and since then has become a lesbian. Her youngest daughter told her that my brother molested her and it rocked our whole family. Because of her love to party and hang out, she allowed my brother to pick up my grand daughter and now he sees her more than I do, and that really concerns me. In the meantime…in order to justify having the convenience of someone to keep my grand daughter so she can party and rest, she told the family that my grand daughter dreamed the incident and he did not molest her. I called and reported to CPS twice and being the liar/manipulator that she is…they ignored my call. Every since this has happened she has been determined to destroy my relationship with my two sons. Unfortunately they are there for her defense and hold me responsible for all of the choices she made and now no one calls me. My heart is broken and sometimes I feel that I cannot go on. The past few years I have spent all holidays, including Mother’s Day alone. I have apologized for whatever it is that they are angry with me and I have asked for their forgiveness. I am 62 years old and for the past two years I have worked two jobs just to take care of myself. I have no health care so I cannot afford a therapist and I don’t qualify for Medicaid. Please help me! C.
Answer: Dear C.: There is no going back. You did your best and it’s clear to me that your best was more than any of them deserved.
I think I would stop working two jobs if it kept me from receiving aid but I don’t know the details, of course, and that may not work for you.
You were fine before you became a parent and a grandparent. There was a time when you were complete as an individual without any of them. That’s what I would aim at re-establishing.
I don’t know where you live, but there are Senior Centers where I live where you can make new friends and create a fulfilling and useful present and future. The past is over. I honestly think grieving over it or trying to keep it alive by hoping to fix and restore it is unhealthy.
Please also consider coming over to my Web-forum: www.motherinlawsunite.com where we address these issues as a group.
You are still a wonderful and valuable person and you can create a life worth living without them.. Blessings, Luise