Question: Dear Luise: My wife and I never fight. Actually, I think we are both pretty careful. We always avoid stepping on each other’s toes. It’s natural for us. I wouldn’t say we have a very dynamic relationship, but it’s quiet and peaceful. Are we missing something by approaching life this way? Ken
Answer: Dear Ken: The best way to look at this is to think of a pendulum. If you fight all the time, that’s way up in one direction, and if you never do, it’s way up in the other. I would guess that somewhere in the middle would be more supportive.
It’s possible to be so connected that you just agree 99% of the time…rare but possible. However, from the way you refer to being “careful”, it feels more fear oriented, to me. If that’s the case, you’re missing the point of what a partnership can offer, at least at times.
I would suggest that you discuss this and see if you both think that you could put more of yourselves into your interactions. Why not create a plan to see, if and when you disagree, if you can discuss it. The sun won’t stop rising in the East.
Believe it or not, you will probably become more authentic and thereby, more interesting and so will she. See what it feels like to listen to each other and to work on satisfactory solutions to your natural differences.
Live dangerously and know that it’s not really dangerous at all when it is love-centered.
If you feel that you’d like some help with this, a good marriage counselor could see you through your early negotiations and the minefields you may think await you. For someone so cautious, that might be wise. Blessings, Luise