My Son Hates Me

Question: Dear Luise: My 20 year-old son hates me. He failed out of school, because he didn’t go to class. We used thousands of dollars to send him there and took out loans. We told him he needs to come home and go to our community college. He refused and continued to live in that state. He is working 40 hours a week to pay bills. He blames me for not paying his $700 rent like I was with student loan help.  He said he hates me and its my fault why he has to work 40 hours a week just to pay rent. I can’t deal with the pain of my son hating me. How can I get through this? N.

Answer: Dear N.: Research is being done and books are being written (a good one was written by Joshua Coleman) about the sense of entitlement many of today’s young adults are evidencing. The giving their parents provided in childhood, when they were dependent children, is something that is now often expected to continue indefinitely. Unwise choices are being made by young adults, as has always been the case because growing up isn’t necessarily easy. However, instead of learning from the consequences of those choices, it is becoming increasing apparent that it is easier to blame parents and expect them to continue to “fix it.”

Please consider coming over to the Web-forum I have set up for those of us who, as a result of this cultural shift, are having issues with our adult children and extended families. I have found that more is needed than a question and answer venue. What works best is a community of supportive, understanding women who care and are willing to share. We are at: Blessings, Luise



One Response to My Son Hates Me

  1. D. June 23, 2013 at 12:12 pm #

    He is counting on you not wanting him to hate you, so you will continue to pay his bills. You are enabling him. Let him grow up and stop (1) bills his bills and (2) stop feeling like you owe him something. You agreed to help him complete school so he could get a better job. He chose a different way, Let him got his way. When he grows up, he will understand we all have to work for a living and pay our own way. D.

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