My Mother’s Death

Question: Dear Luise: My mother had Alzheimer’s for 12 yrs. 3 1/2 yrs. ago we hadto put her in a nursing home due to a stroke. During that time she broke her hip and arm. I have 3 sisters. One of us would go see her everyday. I called to check on my mother at the nursing home sometimes twice a day. She was a wonderful mother, even though the Alzheimer’s took her memory she still had the most precious smile and would always hold my hand. She passed away last month with me and my sisters by her bedside. I know she is much happier now and I want to be happy for herbut I miss her so very much. I go outside at night, look up toward the sky and talk to her. Is this a normal thing to be doing? I have never loved anyone as much as I have my mom. S.

Answer: Dear S.: Your love for your mom didn’t die. It never will. Talking to her can be as easy as putting your hand over your heart and sharing your thoughts. Stepping outside and connecting with her is the same thing. You lost her very recently after she had been a physical presence to you since before your birth. For most of us, it can take along time to adjust to such a loss. We all have our individual beliefs about what comes after our physical existence ends. All I can do is share mine and it isn’t that different from yours.

When I lost my mom I found I had no place to go with the feelings that came up for me. Others soon tired of hearing about it and I understood that. My religious upbringing was too esoteric…I couldn’t find solace there and that made me feel worse.

I totally understand you talking to your mother. I wrote to mine after I lost her. At first I poured out my grief, regrets and anger that it wasn’t the same world without her. Eventually, I started to share my days with her and finally I did a very weird thing, I started writing answers back to me from her. No I didn’t hear voices or think it was “automatic writing…I knew it was coming from me but I also knew what she would say to me. That was many years ago and we still have “conversations.” Blessings, Luise

 

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