Why Does My MIL Always Forget Me?

Question: Dear Luise: My question is that is it only right for a mother in law to give gifts to her daughter in law she always remembers her son but when my bday comes or mothers day i get forgotten.Ive been with my husband for 16years and married for 7yrs.My husband doesnt see that it makes me feel bad and says that a gift is only a gift its become an issue so since he made that comment about a gift only being a gift her bday came around and i said we are not buying her anything i think maybe this way she will know what it feels like but my husband didnt like that it really bothered him know why would it not bother him when she forgets about his wife? S.

Answer: Dear S.: If that the worst thing your MIL ever does to you, I’d get down on my hands and knees and kiss her feet, if I were you. I’m only half-kidding. Please allow for her humanness and focus on her good points; one of which is she raised a marvelous son!

If you’d be interested, come on over to my Web-forum: www.WiseWomenUnite.com . You might find it rewarding to interact with other MILs and DILs. Blessings, Luise

2 Responses to Why Does My MIL Always Forget Me?

  1. M. June 26, 2010 at 7:31 am #

    I love your site Luise, and I am often keeping up-to-date on your advice, however I do feel this answer was not as good as others you have given in the past.

    I do feel that the MILs constant refusal to remember her DILs special events – like birthdays, (Christmases? I couldn’t understand this part) is a kind of passive aggressive act, and personally my advice would to have the husband speak to his mama on her behalf.

    For example if the husband was to remind the mother a day before “it is my wifes birthday tomorrow” and she still did nothing, it may be a sign of a deeper, unaddressed, problem between the MIL and DIL or even an underlying medical problem concerning memory deterioration. I would certainly address your concern to your husband, if this is the case.

    As you said, It is not the GIFT as such which is important, but the notion, however the author of this question did not supply an awful lot of information – like how well the MIL and DIL get on, or if the DIL gives the MIL birthday presents or mothers day cards.

    But to the question-asker, I would not (personally) say that sulking about it and refusing to buy her a gift is the answer. Regardless of how much you like or dislike her she is here to stay, and being mean to her about this issue (IF she is an otherwise nice MIL) is a little bit petty.

    Of course this is only my opinion, I dont mean to offend in anyway, but I love your site Luise, keep up the good work!!

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