Question: Dear Luise: I’m in a dilemma with my mother-in-law. I love her dearly, but I can help wishing she’d back off just slightly! I’ve been married to my husband for almost a year, we have a two year old son together and we are expecting our second in a month. My husband has always been very close to his Mum, and I think thats great, but I cant help but feel a bit pushed out. Before my son was born I hardly saw much of her, but after I had him I could barely get rid of her! They take it upon themselves to parent my child, completely disregarding my parenting ways. She insisted on giving him his first bath, took him for his first haircut, got him measured and bought him his first pair of shoes etc. and it upsets me because these are things that I want to do with my son. I try talking to my husband about it but he always makes me feel ungrateful about it. Like the other day, we went round to visit and discovered she’d bought a new push chair for the new baby without asking and we already have one, yet I have to act grateful or else all hell will break loose. Also, they’ve recently bought another property that they want to rent out to us, but I feel so so uneasy about it, I can barely get rid of her now, let alone if we live in their property! Yet again, I voiced my fears to my husband and was made to be ungrateful and now I’ve given in. I’m so worried about what will happen when the new baby arrives, it’s all going to start again! It’s causing a lot of friction, and I’ve often felt like divorcing my husband just for an easy way out! How can I make them all see see that his mother has had her children, now it’s my turn to raise mine? K.
Answer: Dear K.: This is a question for “community.” By that I mean that I think you would benefit from multiple perspectives. Please come over to my Web-forum at: www.WiseWomenUnite.com. It is for those of us that have issues with adult children and extended families. I hope to see you there. Blessings, Luise