My Ex Has Turned My Son Against Me

Question: Dear Luise: My ex-husband is bitter and has turned my son against me. I am so hurt and tired of my son making excuses not to see me. He will only do something with me if my adult daughter makes him. My ex-husband won’t even answer the phone, so I can talk to him about it. R.

Answer: How sad it is to know that there are adults who are wiling prey on children this way. It is all too common. The kids are used as pawns on the relationship battlefield and it is my opinion that the parents who do that are without conscience.

I don’t know of anything you can do when that happens. Attempting to reason with your ex or your son will probably just add fuel to the fire. Your ex is going to keep it up for as long as he does and your son is going to buy into it for as long as he does.

Often, waiting for change to occur is the only option. Kids have been known to eventually see through such manipulation and former spouses have been known to tire of being abusive. In the meantime, know that it isn’t you that is causing this mess. Blessings, Luise

4 Responses to My Ex Has Turned My Son Against Me

  1. T. June 15, 2011 at 1:42 pm #


    I am also looking for someone who can help me with the crime that my ex has comitted against me by turning my son against me since literally right after I said we are separated and that I wanted a divorce. He has done everything you can imagine. But he is not the only one. I met a wierdo at a place where we worked together and because I was a friend to him but didn’t want to go any further, he has been furious with me ever since. He’s a stalker, both online and phone wiretapping. He’s been listening in on me since 1991 but recorded conversations both over the phone and in my home starting in Jan. of 2000 when I got together with my husband that I am married to now. He sent recordings to both my kids’ phones, recorded conversations that he KNEW they would not like and would turn them against me. He convinced at least 75 or more people to believe his lies about me, causing me to lose my job and then following me to my next job and the next after that doing the same thing. He also caused my husband to lose numerous jobs by sending them recordings, both real and faked.
    Is there anything a mother can do when the ex turns her son against her? T.

    • Luise June 15, 2011 at 4:09 pm #

      I would see an attorney ASAP to find out what your rights are and how to protect them. Blessings, Luise

  2. Z. October 18, 2012 at 1:41 am #

    My stbx has turned both my children against me. I left him over 4 years ago due to his cheating manipulation and controlling behaviour. He refused to move out of the marital home so I moved out with both children. He wouldn’t pay any child support as he claimed he could afford to pay the mortgage or pay for the children. Eventually after an argument with my 13 year old daughter she stated she was moving in with her dad to which I called her bluff and said go. He told everyone and my daughter that I had kicked her out. I had to move again with my son as there was no way I could afford a rented 3 bedroom home for just my son and myself. After I moved my daughter moved back in with me and my son again the dad never paid any monies. Since then both children went to live with there dad as I met someone new and moved to a different village. My children would not speak to me and my husband and children claimed I had kicked them out and abandoned them which is not the truth both had the option to move in with me etc. My ex has continued to make things so difficult with the children telling lies etc about me to them to the point where I do not see them or speak to them and if they do speak to me all I get is verbal abuse from the. He has now moved in with his new girlfriend and is claiming child benefit for both and CSA payments for both, but my daughter is living with her grandparents in a different town. He was not paying the mortgage on the home that we owned and now it has been reposed. Him and his family have made me to be the bad person in the failed marriage and hounded me and verbally abused me since we split and caused me to be very ill at times and used this against me. My children are now 14 and almost 17 my heartbreaks every day to know that this man that claimed to love me at some point could do this to me and his children and there is nothing that I can do. What he has done is the worst form of child abuse I have ever known. Please can someone help me fight this evil monster before he totaly ruins my childrens lives

    • Luise Volta October 21, 2012 at 6:00 pm #

      Z – I have no idea how you can stop what he is doing. We can’t change others. All you can do that I know of is to focus on yourself. If you would like support as you take that on, please come over to my forum: . Blessings, Luise

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