My Daughter Hates Me

Question: Dear Luise:  my daughter age 52 calls me and leaves me messages calling me filthy names and blames me for everything,her whole life.i always forgive her and then it starts over.she says i dont like you.she has been doing this since she was 12 years old.she said how would i like a knife stuck through my heart?ive been at my witts end for so long.what do I do? R.

Answer: Dear R.: My guess is there is nothing you can do to change your daughter or her behavior. Forgiving her is my idea of a healthy thing for you to do. Letting it continue is not. Unless you feel the need to be treated badly, (there are some who do), l think the answer is to gather up your self-respect and give yourself some peace. I would let her know that I was closing every door for her good as well as my own. That would mean blocking her on email and Facebook, if you go there. It would mean tossing every letter and card without opening them and blocking her on the phone. I addition, I would not open the door if she turned up in person. She is the one who closed it…four decades ago. Blessings, Luise

One Response to My Daughter Hates Me

  1. N. October 9, 2012 at 7:09 am #

    I’m in complete agreement with the advice given. I know because I’ve not one, but three daughters in their 40’s who in their 30’s did an about face and began the same abuse you’ve described, to me. It was absolutely heart wrenching to have to let them go, especially since I couldn’t figure why the sudden change in their behavior; except they’ve got allot in common with each other starting with they’re from the same generation of over indulgence. None of them married, all have children, all are educated professionals etc. and all had a very good childhood. I’ve honestly got nothing but good memories in raising them in that they were, in comparison to what I hear, easy to raise. Go figure! It’s especially hard around the holidays, but I either snuggle with a good book, or find a friend or two to spend time with. I also became a member of SWING (single women in need of grandmothers), in that the abandonment of me involved six grandchildren as well. As Luise points out; your (my) daughters made the rules…you’ve no choice but to abide by them but in the mean time protect yourself. Sure I pine for the day they’ll come to their senses, but until that time I’m going to be kind to their mother!

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